jokes

chicks-be-like

Most of the posts I’ve written lately have been quite serious, as is the major one I’m working on now. In the meantime, I’ve decided to post something strictly for fun, because laughter is good for the body and (usually) for the soul. Sorry, ladies, this post’s not for you (except the ending). It’s a guys’-only view of the “battle of the sexes,” one of the few battles that crosses political, cultural and ethnic lines. In fact, I think it’s healthy to reaffirm that battle in this insane age of transgenderism and transhumanism. Perhaps no movie scene captured the differences between men and women better than this one from Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1949):

My thanks to all the memers, cartoonists and other creative people who provided this post’s content—some of whom are unidentifiable. If anyone sees content they created, and wishes it removed or an acknowledgement added, let me know.

In the old days, you could make sexist jokes about women. It hadn’t yet become politically incorrect.

“deposits and withdrawals,” Richard Decker, The New Yorker, 11/4/1950

Things are different today. We guys are supposed to be sympathetic to a woman’s feelings:

But they don’t reciprocate by sympathizing with us, do they?
man-has-a-cold

Now, guys, If you want tips on how to treat women sensitively, follow the example set by doctors. They have tactfully developed something called “bedside manner.”

Women especially appreciate your listening to them instead of doing “guy” things like watching sports. However, Miller Lite has this little problem totally solved:

COURTING STAGE

Courting a woman has always been challenging, as the Three Stooges long ago demonstrated:

In fact, The Big Bopper’s 1958 song might make you think twice about going through that ceremony:

It’s even tougher courting these days, especially with hair-trigger feminism on the rise:

However, there are ways to make yourself attractive to women:

MARRIAGE STAGE

If you’re going to get married, be prepared. This scene encapsulates the wife-husband relationship in a typical American marriage:

(from The Nutty Professor, 1963)

Remember, marriage is hard work:

If you do wed, your bride may insist on certain conditions.

And be prepared for . . . arguments.

New Yorker cartoon by Paul Noth

first-female-ref

Speaking of NFL refs . . .

Women being talkative is quite universal . . .

. . . even in the animal world. . .

. . . and in the age of advanced technology.

Women always win arguments. Well, almost always.

However, there’s one thing even worse than a woman who over-talks.

You can try getting revenge, of course . . .

But ladies will ALWAYS scheme a better revenge than you. Watch as a Turkish woman uses an app to secretly turn off her boyfriend’s TV during a crucial soccer match:

So you’ll still lose in the end. And if you give up, don’t expect any sympathy.
for-heavens-sake
Charles Addams, The New Yorker, 3/12/1949

constant-criticism

DIVORCE STAGE

And if you’re thinking of divorce, fellas, Daffy Duck already showed back in 1941 (The Henpecked Duck) that, even in divorce court, a man can’t get a word in edge-wise:

And for you guys who have gone through divorce, does this scene from Throw Momma from the Train pretty accurately depict your ex?

OK, LADIES. SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT! My intent here was NOT to insult women, or stir up painful memories for guys, but to help some guys discharge relationship stress through laughter. We all know the kinds of sacrifices women truly make for their men.

wife-of-the-year